Learning Emotional Regulation
- Apr 2
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 7
What is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is a person’s ability to notice their emotions, understand them, and then respond to them, rather than react. It isn’t suppressing emotions, or staying calm all of the time, although these are common misconceptions.
When a person is unable to regulate their emotions, referred to as emotional dysregulation, they struggle to manage their own, often intense, emotions. This results in people often having behavior outbursts, experiencing extreme mood swings, or taking seemingly irrational actions that to others seem disproportionate to the situation.
Why can Emotional Regulation be so Difficult?
Emotional regulation is difficult for so many of us, but why? For many, it may be because we were simply never taught how to regulate ourselves. Many people grow up in environments that don’t reward you for outwardly expressing how you feel. Often, we’re taught to ignore, suppress, or minimize our emotions. This approach inevitably backfires eventually, resulting in our emotions exploding when we least expect it.
This act of suppressing emotions can be compounded by our past experiences and trauma. Trauma and chronic stress can cause our ability to emotionally regulate to deteriorate. This can lead to experiencing hyper vigilance and heightened emotional sensitivity, which can make it even more difficult for us to re-regulate our emotions.
Additionally, modern life makes it harder for us to recover and reach a new equilibrium. Our society is built around constant stimulation, adding pressure to our already complicated lives and leading to burnout. If we’re not able to rest and recover the way we need to, it can cause us to dig a hole that may be difficult to get out of.
Signs Your May be Struggling With Emotional Regulation
It’s important to maintain awareness of our emotional state to be able to recognize when we’re becoming dysregulated. Often, this can feel like:
Feeling overwhelmed by small things
Intense or sudden emotional reactions
Shutting down or feeling numb
Difficulty calming down after periods of stress
Guilt or shame about emotional reactions
But if we recognize these signs, what can we do?
Learning Emotional Regulation
If you recognize any of these symptoms, don’t worry. Emotional regulation is a learned skill that is never too late to learn. Pairing with a therapist to meet you where you’re at—using CBT, trauma-informed therapy, and other methods—can help you learn the tools you need to build your ability to emotionally regulate.
But what does emotional regulation look like in real life? It can look like:
Pausing before reacting
Naming emotions without judgment
Using coping tools when emotions rise
Recovering more quickly after emotional moments
Feeling emotions without being controlled by them
Therapy can help us uncover the why behind emotions that feel overwhelming. By learning tools that are tailored specifically to you, a therapist can help you build safety and resilience over time in a safe,supportive environment
Struggling doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. If emotional regulation feels hard now, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Our Life Psychology therapists in Battle Creek and Berrien Springs are here to help. Call to schedule an appointment today.
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